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| I am not sure whether I am really ready for a new relationship. I am happy when spending time with K...I have no doubt on it.
The problem here is I am not able to forget and forgive myself for being a such big jerk to Hin. We try to maintain our friendship. We still talk to each other on phone about once a week...we chat on life, goal, future, etc...every single time...when talking about future plan, I can't help crying...I just can't stop the tear...I always remember every bad thing I have done to him...then...I can't forget how bad I was to him, can't forget my past and not able to forgive myself.
With this feeling in my heart, I don't think I am ready for another relationship...I wanna be alone...
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| Here is something from the training:
Ano Ano, The Seed
And they were taught the laws of life...that their treatment of
Others would return at last upon themselves.
Those who cheat, will be cheated.
Those who slander, will be slandered,
for every lie you tell...you will be lied to.
Brutality will meet with Brutality.
We get what we give and to the same degree.
And not always from the same people with whom we have dealt.
But somewhere...sometime...someone will treat you in like manner.
The good that we do to others will return also.
For your kindness to strangers, you will receive hospitality in far places yourself.
Understand the troubles of others who come to you with their souls bared
And when you cry yourself you will be sympathetically understood.
We get what we give
Like always attracts like
This is the law and it is inevitable.
We cannot escape the results of our actions
We get what we give.
How do you feel about it??
I was so touched by it...It's telling us "yan gor chun wan", a bit scary yet true.
I promise myself not to willingly and consciously make serious mistakes. I will not let myself hurting others. This is part of my resolution for year 2007. I have made this promises on Jan 1st and I will always remind myself...
Things have changed so much already la...
I am officially SINGLE...not just regionally. Finally, Hin and I broke up...PEACEFULLY...NO Fight, NO argue...Just over the phone...um...He mentioned it...he said when the time I told him I would not go back to the US, he knew that we were over...he knew that I would never go back to him...In fact, I love him and I miss him, I really do...he is like my relative...no passion but with LOVE...
Good News: I think I am NO longer in LOVE uni-directionally with Lok.
Recently, I spend most of my free time (but indeed, I don't have much free time) with family and KK.
Knowing KK for 6 years I think, I feel a bit weird to be so close to him...really strange
I am unable to identify my feeling towards him...He is like a big brother and good friend to me...yet...umum...
Last Sun, we went out for dinner...He said he was very tired with the life in HK.
He mentioned that after me flying for some time, I could look for a place...a good place outside for us to live...just 2 of us...
I was shocked, so I remained in silent...I thought of the possibility of the suggesting
Then:
KK: You still haven't accomplished your goal, you would not wanna settle down
Me: You have your business in HK, and you will leave it behind?
KK: You wanna be a business woman and wouldn't wanna live a simple life...
I think and think...finally...
Me: If I can choose, I would rather be a little woman who live and stick comfortably to her husband...
Deep inside, I am not as tough as what all of you think...at least...NOW, I am not.
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| I can feel that I am gettingsick now...my throat hurts and it's itchy. It's all because of you you you and you...my dear classmates!!!
Had lunch with Cryrus, I haven't seen him for almost half a year la...Dinner again with Cryrus, his gf, and Ted. Thou I am getting sick, I still had spicy food for both meals. btw, when Cryrus first saw me today, he told me I looked so sick lor...white face and pale lips. I have noticed about the abnormality of my lips color...in fact...I do think it's pale...>.<...hope that there isn't any serious diseases or illness inside me la. | | |
| I have never thought of where I am living now would be unsafe lor...This Monday, I wore make-up and set my hair for CX orientation. When I TT at Kln at night, the staffs (even Christian) said they couldn't recognize me at all. They told me I looked prettier with the make-up n hair (...shit...that means I don't look pretty otherwise?!?!?!?!?!??)...Bob walked me home that nite. Today, I saw him again in CB la and he said it would be dangerous for me to walk in that area if I dress like Monday...
Tonite, I had dinner with Cheung sir and he also walked me home. Basically, he told me the same thing...He thinks the area is not safe for a single girl and it's even worse if I have the uniform on...cuz some people are bin tai n uniform-phobia...Seriously, I do worry now...My lease will end on June. In fact, I like this area but after all these comments, I get scared. The solution I can think of now is ask KK to accompany me... ...however, I know I gonna feel so bad if I do so...
btw, Cheung sir will marry at the end of this year... CONGRATSSSSSSS...I feel so happy when I know people around me are getting married!!! CHEERSSSSS!!!
My LIFE has BEen So bUSy since The TRaINIng StARtEd, anYWaYZ, I DO ENJOY IT...aND I acTUaLlY HoPe tO KeEP iT liKe ThiS!!!!!! | | |
| I can't believe that the training is in fact so damn intensive. Thou it has been a week (actually not even a week yet), I feel like it has been a month already. This week we have safety training. We just did 2 practical exam today...and we gonna have a written test tmr.
Remember on the first day of briefing, trainer said we wouldn't have any personal life for the coming 6 weeks. However, I think my life hasn't been changed much coz of the training. In fact, my classmates are actually surprised on how much personal life I m having......
I still date friends for movie and dinner, still TT...wat else...umum...after training today, i went to disney with my families. I love my mom, my dad, and my brothers!!! DC is so right...family is in fact the most loving n caring one in the world... hahahahahahahahahaha...btw, I m so proud of my mom coz she is one of the toughest women in the world (st least to me, she is)...
I went to see "the holiday" this Tue. It was really good...a BIG BIG surprise on Jude LAw...^.^
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